Sorry
Hello Everyone,
I would like to apologise for the lack of posts over the last couple of weeks. I have been busy, confused and a little down. I am currently looking for work and because of my love for family and Church have no desire to leave Bristol to find it. I also have a valuable but specialised skill set that means not many roles come up, and while there are many other jobs I can do I first want to try and find work I really enjoy. I thought for a few weeks God was calling me to a certain role working for Him, but I was wrong and after lots of preparation and waiting I failed to get the role. That has left me confused as I said, not knowing quite what Gods plans for my future are. There is also some anger associated with the disappointment and I felt posting here while angry wasn't going to be good hence the small gap.
I am hoping to write a few thoughts next week about expectation, preparation and maybe disappointment. My personal experiences and those I have watched during the Olympics have started many ideas spinning round my head.
Patrick Rigg has sent me a load of Poems so I will also update his page and get those poems posted for you next week.
I'll also try and get back to the homilies after a weeks break. I love writing them and exploring Gods word and his scriptural guidance for us. I learn so much myself each time I prepare a homily.
Finally, as we prepare for the year of faith I'll be looking at some of the Vatican 2 documents and I hope to post some reflections on them over the next few months.
So in summary, sorry for the short quiet spell, please keep my and my confusion in your prayers, and normal service will be resumed soon.
God Bless,
John
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Hi John
ReplyDeleteI understand your confusion. I've also had what I refer to as "mixed messages" from God involving jobs. When I qualified as a nurse I was very much drawn to palliative care and when a job came up at the local hospice, I felt that He was putting it on my radar as the way forward. But I didn't get the job and ended up working for them as a bank nurse - filling in when they had gaps. Fast forward 2 years and I applied again. I felt sure that it was what I was meant to do. I had experience and the job was perfect. But for the second time He said it wasn't meant to be. I was very hurt and confused. At the time I was struggling with where I was working. I was watching people I qualified with progress in their careers - promotions and specialising in desirable areas such as ICU and A&E. I couldn't understand why I was being left behind when I felt I was working so hard and praying for a change. Why was God ignoring my prayers?
Eventually when I stopped railing at him I understood that He wasn't ignoring me. He had answered my prayers. It's just that the answer was no. This wasn't the path for me and in the last year I've come to realise that if I had taken the job at the hospice I would have been very unhappy. I'm used to working at a fast pace and being autonomous. Hospice nursing is very different and I'm sure that I would have struggled to adjust.
The hardest part has been coming to peace with the fact that I'm still where I was four years ago. I wanted to emigrate. I wanted to specialise. I wanted to be super nurse. And I know that none of that is going to happen. So now I pray that I hear His voice when he speaks. I pray for peace in my heart. And I pray that I am wise enough to accept His judgement, even if it doesn't seem right. When I look back on my life at all the low points - all those times when I've stood there and said "seriously? You're going to put us through this?". Each and every time I can say but if that hadn't happened, if I hadn't travelled down the rocky road then the good bits wouldn't have happened. When Paul was made redundant he gave up a well paying job that he hated and now works for less money but is much happier and has better hours. And the company he used to work for are putting the screws on the workforce so things are getting even worse there. I'm so glad he's not there anymore. And that's only one of many examples in my life I can think of.
Carry on praying. God knows you're disappointed and confused But don't forget to listen. And don't forget to be happy. Life is a gift and we can choose to be happy or we can choose to be sad. Be happy and the world will be happy with you. There may be fog on the road ahead but as the day continues to dawn, the fog will lift and there will be a beautiful sunrise.
God bless
Sally xx
Sally, Thank You for your concern, care and wisdom. Reading your story really helped and my head and heart are back in the right place again now. Stay in touch.
ReplyDeleteGod Bless,
J